“You Can Win” a Recipe for Success

Written By: Shiv Khera (Indian Author)
Genre: Self-help
Originally Published: 1998
No. of Chapters: 11 Chapters with 262 pages
Price: Nrs 300

Summary

“You Can Win” is an easy to read, practical, common-sense guide that will help you establish new goals, develop a new sense of purpose, and generate new ideas about yourself and the future. This book helps you to be positive, confident, trustworthy, respectful, impactful, and convert your weaknesses into strength to gain success in life. Where success does not mean not to be a failure but to achieve the desired goals. It has got eleven chapters that focus on Attitude, Positive thinking, Success, What is stopping us, Motivation, Self-esteem (lifeblood to keep you going), Interpersonal skills, Steps to build a positive personality, Subconscious mind and habit, Goal setting (real things start here) and Importance of values and vision (without it one feels clueless and unsatisfied even after achieving success). Each chapters commences with a motivation quote and concluded with an action plan where the author has asked a few questions. Apart from this, the book has some short stories and inspirational quotes in between.

In one sense, this book is a construction manual. It describes the tools you will need for success and offers blueprints to help you build a successful and rewarding life. In a second, sense, it is a cookbook. It lists the ingredients the principles you will need to follow to become successful and gives you the recipe for mixing them in the correct proportions. But, above all, this is a guidebook a step by step, how-to book that will take you from dreaming about success to unlocking your potential for success.

11 Important Lessons from “You Can Win”

1. Importance of Attitude

With a strong introduction stating that ‘Winners don’t do different things. They do things differently’ the author instantaneously puts the reader at the beginning of the road to success. So now you are well on your mark and set to go. But your start is not at a normal speed but at a lightning speed. Why? This is because the author starts with the first lap of the race, ‘Importance of Attitude,’ with a realistic example that gives you a strong lead. This lap talks on how your attitude is a strong contributor to your success and thus further explains factors that determine your attitude along with a convincing explanation on a positive attitude Vise-verse negative attitude. According to the Author, the factors that determine our attitude are Environment, Experience, and Education and the importance of attitude are:

2. How to build a positive attitude?

The next lap explains broadly on ‘How to Build a Positive Attitude.’ All with examples that you can relate to and anecdotes that inspire you to keep looking forward. The author himself has raised this question and answered by himself, whether our attitude formed during our childhood can be changed or not. And as an answer, he has given us seven steps to build a positive attitude as follow:

Step 1: Be a good finder.
Step 2: Make a Habit of Doing It Now
Step 3: Develop an Attitude of Gratitude
Step 4: Get into a Continuous Education Program
Step 5: Build a Positive Self-Esteem
Step 6: Stay Away from Negative Influences
Step 7: Learn to Like the Things That Need to be Done
Step 8: Start Your Day with a Positive

3. How to be Successful?

The third lap talks about ‘Success.’ This gives the reader an overall understanding of the term success further enforcing the qualities of a successful individual. According to Shiv Khera, “Success is not an accident. It is the result of our attitude and our attitude is a choice. Hence success is a matter of choice and not chance. Success is the progressive realization of a worthy goal. Success and happiness go hand in hand. Success is getting what you want and happiness is wanting what you get! EVERY SUCCESS STORY IS ALSO A STORY OF GREAT FAILURE.”

Qualities of successful people are:

Desire
Commitment
Responsibility
Hard work
Character
Positive Believing
Give more than you get
The power of persistence
Pride of Performance
Be Willing to Be a Student–Get a Mentor

HOW DO WE MEASURE SUCCESS?
True success is measured by the feeling of knowing you have done a job well and have achieved your objective. Success is not measured by our position in life but by the obstacles, we overcame to get there. Success in life is not determined by how we are doing compared with others, but by how we are doing compared with what we are capable of doing. Successful people compete against themselves. They better their own record and keep improving constantly. Success is not measured by how high we go up in life but by how many times we bounce back when we fall down. It is this bounce-back ability that determines success.
You can Win, Shiv Khera

4. What is holding you back from reaching to your desired goal?

In the next lap, it tells you what is ‘Holding you back from reaching your desired goal.’ A SWOT analysis is included which gives you a complete insight into yourself. It teaches you to accentuate your strengths so that you can move forward holding your head high. It talks about your weaknesses, the reasons for your failures, and gives the necessary solutions. It unfolds the various opportunities that are waiting or ignored and threats you need to overcome.

Reasons for failure and why we don’t achieve excellence are:

Unwillingness to Take Risks
Lack of persistence
Instant Gratification
Lack of Priorities
Looking for Shortcuts
Selfishness and Greed
Lack of Conviction
Lack of understanding of Nature’s Laws
Unwillingness to Plan and Prepare
Rationalizing
Not Learning from Past Mistakes
Inability to Recognize Opportunity
Fear
Inability to Use Talent
Lack of Discipline
Poor self-esteem
Lack of Knowledge
Fatalistic Attitude
Lack of Purpose
Lack of Courage

Steps to be successful
• Play to win and not to lose.
• Learn from other people’s mistakes.
• Associate with people of high moral character.
• Give more than you get.
• Look for something for nothing.
• Always think long term.
• Evaluate your strengths and build on them.
• Always keep the larger picture in mind when making a decision.
• Never compromise your integrity.

5. How to stay motivated?

The next lap ‘Motivate’ you. Motivation is like fire unless you keep adding fuel to it, it dies. Just like exercise and food don’t last long, neither does motivation. However, if the source of motivation is a belief in inner values, it becomes long-lasting. Then, What is the greatest motivator? Is it money? Recognition? Improvement in our quality of life? Acceptance by those we love? All these can be motivating forces.

Why do we need to get motivated?
Motivation is the driving force in our lives. It comes from a desire to succeed. Without success there is little pride
in life; no enjoyment or excitement at work and at home. Often life becomes like a lopsided wheel giving a bumpy ride.

How can you stay motivated?

Develop a sense of pride through training.
Reward performance.
Set well-defined, clear goals.
Set high expectations.
Set clear, measurable benchmarks.
Evaluate the needs of others.
Make others part of your big picture. Set a good example by being a positive role model.

Motivators

Demotivators

• Give recognition
• Give respect
• Make work interesting
• Be a good listener
• Throw a challenge
• Help but don’t do for others what they should do for themselves

• Unfair criticism
• Negative criticism
• Public humiliation
• Rewarding the non-performer which can be demotivating for the performer
• Failure or fear of failure
• Success which leads to complacence
• Lack of direction
• Lack of measurable objectives
• Low self-esteem
• Lack of priorities
• Negative self-talk
• Office politics
• Unfair treatment
• Hypocrisy
• Poor standards
• Frequent change
• Responsibility without authority

6. How to have better self-esteem?

Self-esteem is the way we feel about ourselves. When we feel good within, our performance goes up, our relationships improve both at home and at work. The world looks nicer. If you want to build positive self-esteem quickly, one of the fastest ways is to do something for others who cannot repay you in cash or kind.

High self-esteem	Low self-esteem
Talk about ideas Caring attitude Humility Respects authority Confidence Concerned about character Assertive Accepts responsibility Self-interest Optimistic Understanding Willing to learn Sensitive Solitude Discuss Believes in self-worth Guided Discipline Internally driven Externally driven Respects others Enjoys decency Knows limit Giver	Talk about people Critical attitude Arrogance Rebels against authority Goes along to get along Confusion Concerned about reputation Aggressive Blames the whole world Selfish Fatalistic Greedy Know it all Touchy Lonely Argue Believes in net worth only Misguided Distorted sense of freedom Looks down on others Enjoys vulgarity Everything goes Taker

To boost your Self-esteem, you can follow these things:

Build self-confidence
Educate
Stop making an unfair comparison
Be disciplined
Accept responsibility
Have patience
Convert your weaknesses into strength
Learn the right values

Positive self-esteem	Negative self-esteem
self-respect self-confidence self-worth self-acceptance self-love self-knowledge self-discipline	self-put down self-doubt self-abuse self-denial self-centered self-deceit self-indulgence

7. Why interpersonal skills are important? How to improve interpersonal skills?

The next lap brushes your ‘Interpersonal Skills.’ It gives paramount importance to them by mentioning how life is a boomerang and an echo. How interpersonal skills can be ameliorated for maintaining relationships and further delivering the best is also enumerated.

8. What are the steps to build a positive personality?

On 8th lap, the author tells us ‘25 steps to Build a Positive Attitude.’ Here, a sense of responsibility, accepting your mistakes, and further mending them, avoiding criticism, good listening, being enthusiastic, honest, and faithful, thinking positive and smiling, is detailed by the author.

The 25 steps to build a positive personality are:

Step 1: Accept Responsibility
Step 2: Consideration
Step 3: Think Win / Win
Step 4: Choose Your Words Carefully
Step 5: Don’t Criticize and Complain
Step 6: Smile and Be Kind
Step 7: Put Positive Interpretation of Other People’s Behavior
Step 8: Be a Good Listener
Step 9: Be Enthusiastic
Step 10: Give Honest and Sincere Appreciation
Step 11: When We Make a Mistake, We Should Accept It immediately and Willingly
Step 12: When the Other Person Realizes and Admits That He Has Made a Mistake, Congratulate Him and Give Him a Way Out to Save Face.
Step 13: Discuss But Don’t Argue
Step 14: Don’t Gossip
Step 15: Turn Your Promises into Commitments
Step 16: Be Grateful But Do Not Expect Gratitude
Step 17: Be Dependable and Practice Loyalty
Step 18: Avoid Bearing Grudges. Forgive and Forget
Step 19: Practice Honesty, Integrity, and Sincerity
Step 20: Practice Humility
Step 21: Be Understanding and Caring
Step 22: Practice Courtesy on a Daily Basis
Step 23: Develop a Sense of Humor
Step 24: Don’t Be Sarcastic and Put Others Down
Step 25: To Have a Friend, Be a Friend
Step 26: Show Empathy

9. How to use the subconscious mind and build a habit?

The next lap complements the earlier lap by talking about your ‘Subconscious Mind and Habits.’ The book further takes your positivity to the peak and unmasks you to present to you the real you. No pretense, a clean and candid you all zooming ahead to procure your goal.

In the ‘Subconscious Mind’ chapter, the author tells, ” most of our behavior comes as a result of conditioning. We all are being conditioned continuously by the environment and the media and we start behaving like robots. It is our responsibility to condition ourselves in a positive manner”. Ideas of auto-suggestion and visualization are also given for quitting and forming habits.

10. How to set goals?

The next lap takes you further by detailing on ‘Goal Setting.’ It not only reminds you about your goal but also talks about SMART goals with a perfect balance of reality and accomplishment. This chapter also clarifies very well the differences among Dreams, Wishes, Desires, and Goals. Dreams and wishes are nothing more than desires, but Goals are dreams with a deadline, clear direction, and an action plan.

Goals can be:

short-term–up to one year.
mid-term–up to three years.
long-term–up to five years.

Why Don’t Many People Set Goals?

A pessimistic attitude–Always seeing the pitfalls rather than the possibilities.
Fear of failure–What if I don’t make it? People feel subconsciously that if they don’t set goals and if they don’t
make it, then they haven’t failed. But they are failures to begin with.
A lack of ambition–This is a result of our value system and lack of desire to live a fulfilled life. Our limited
thinking prevents us from progress. There was a fisherman who, every time he caught a big fish, would throw it
back into the river, keeping only the smaller ones. A man watching this unusual behavior asked the fisherman
why he was doing this. The fisherman replied, “Because I have a small frying pan.” Most people never make it in
life because they are carrying a small frying pan. That is limited thinking.
A fear of rejection–If I don’t make it, what will other people say?
Procrastination–“Someday, I will set my goals.” This ties in with a lack of ambition.
Low self-esteem–Because a person is not internally driven and has no inspiration.
Ignorance of the importance of goals–Nobody taught them and they never learned the importance of goal setting.
A lack of knowledge about goal-setting–People don’t know the mechanics of setting goals. They need a step-by-step guide so that they can follow a system.

Goals must be SMART:

S–specific. For example, “I want to lose weight.”
This is wishful thinking. It becomes a goal when I pin myself down to “I will lose 10 pounds in 90 days.”
M–must be measurable. If we cannot measure it, we cannot accomplish it. Measurement is a way of
monitoring our progress.
A–must be achievable. Achievable means that it should be out of reach enough to be challenging but it should
not be out of sight, otherwise it becomes disheartening.
R–realistic. A person who wants to lose 50 pounds in~30 days is being unrealistic.
T–time-bound. There should be a starting date and a finishing date.

11. How to build values & visions and stick to it?

The final lap ‘Values and Vision’ ensures that you do the right thing for the right reason. Talking about ethics, culture, commitment all it plunges into talking about winners.

The last chapter ‘Values and Vision’ seems most important because it says to judge your value system, means if anyone is slightly doubtful about his values, he should think what his parents would think if they found what he had been doing for years, and if this doesn’t work; think how it would feel to you and the world if the next day your doings become the headlines.

Best Part of the Book

It doesn’t teach you anything different that you don’t know, but it just gives examples of various life episodes real and hypothetical and makes the message clear, that is where the self-realization takes place and the change for the better occurs.
It is a very practical book. The quotes and stories given in this book are much related to our practical life.
What kept me hooked to this book is the author’s straightforward writing style and his ability to make us understand complicated things through real-life stories.
It asks you to make an action plan by identifying what you want, all options available to achieve that, and finally preparing a realistic plan for you.

Worst Part of the Book

The book has nothing new to offer its readers other than a couple of old stories. But if you are new to reading and are looking for a simple self-help book that could be easily understood, you can pick this up.
The writer’s statement on last page of the last chapter “Get your advice from successful people and not from living failures who will tell you how to succeed.” This is absolutely wrong because the world’s best teacher is the man/woman who has failed most.

Conclusion

Why Win, win, win! Can’t you live without that? Can’t you see it’s competitive, exploitative, and ultimately petty? It’s not. Actually winners are only the leaders of the society, whose voice is heard rather than losers. If you want to get respect, you have to be a winner. No one counts losers. You are remembered even after your death if you are a winner, and if you are a loser, you are not remembered even when you are alive. So, it’s very important for all of us to win in life. Thus, this is the best guide book to help you win.

However, recipe for success is not enough for you to win. If you want to do things, the inspiration has to be drawn from your life experiences. There is no better teacher than your life.