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Tips to Influence People From The Book “How to Win Friends and Influence People”

  • Author: Dale Carnegie
  • Genre: Non-fiction/Self-help
  • Originally Published: 1936
  • No. of Chapters: Divided into 4 parts with a total of 30 chapters
  • Price: 250 Nepali Rupees

Lessons/Tips to Influence People and Make Friends

FUNDAMENTAL TECHNIQUES IN HANDLING PEOPLE

Principle 1: Don’t criticize, condemn or complain
Principle 2: Give honest and sincere appreciation
Principle 3: Arouse in the other person an eager want

Criticism is futile because it puts a person on the defensive and usually makes him strive to justify himself. Criticism is dangerous, because it wounds a person’s precious pride, hurts his sense of importance, and arouses resentment. Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain—and most fools do. But it takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving.

SIX WAYS TO MAKE PEOPLE LIKE YOU

1. Become genuinely interested in other people
2. Smile
3. Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language
4. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves
5. Talk in terms of the other person’s interest
6. Make the other person feel important – and do it sincerely

We are interested in others when they are interested in us.

A man without a smiling face must not open a shop.

The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated.

Do unto others as you would have others do unto you.

HOW TO WIN PEOPLE TO YOUR WAY OF THINKING

1. The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it
2. Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say, ‘You’re wrong.’
3. If you’re wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
4. Begin in a friendly way.
5. Get the other person saying ‘yes, yes’ immediately.
6. Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
7. Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.
8. Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view.
9. Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires.
10. Appeal to the nobler motives.
11. Dramatize your ideas.
12. Throwdown a challenge.

You can not teach a man anything; you can only help him to find it within himself

Be wiser than other people if you can, but do not tell them so.

One thing only I know, and that is that I know nothing.

If a man’s heart is rankling with discord and ill-feeling toward you, you can’t win him to your way of thinking with all the logic in Christendom. Scolding parents and domineering bosses and husbands and nagging wives ought to realize that people don’t want to change their minds. They can’t be forced or driven to agree with you or me. But they may possibly be led to if we are gentle and friendly, ever so gentle and ever so friendly.

BE A LEADER: HOW TO CHANGE PEOPLE WITHOUT GIVING OFFENCE OR AROUSING RESENTMENT

1. Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
2. Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly.
3. Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.
4. Ask questions instead of giving orders.
5. Let the other person save face.
6. Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be ‘hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise.’
7. Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
8. Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.
9. Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.

The only way on earth to influence other people is to talk about what they want and show them how to get it.

When dealing with people, let us remember we are not dealing with creatures of logic. We are dealing with creatures of emotion, creatures bristling with prejudices and motivated by pride and vanity.

If there is anyone secret of success, it lies in the ability to get the other person’s point of view and see things from that person’s angle as well as from your own.

Weaknesses

  1. The worst part of the book is its repetition because the writer wants to emphasize them as important.
  2. Somehow this seems almost naive. Every single thing to learn about this book is something everyone knows already with their life-experiences. So, the younger you are when you read this, the more useful it will be.
  3. There are six examples when one or two would do. And most of these examples are of famous men that you won’t be able to relate at all, because you won’t know who they are. However, you will get point the author is trying to convey.
  4.  This book could have been reduced to a quarter of its size without losing a single idea or fact. Due to its maximum talking and wordiness in every idea makes it really boring.
  5. It is not true that everyone takes pride in being nice, friendly, or popular. So, it might not be useful for such people who like their own company and do not prefer many human interactions.
  6. This is a very old book, so it is quite outdated. It is more focused on manipulating people to like you but in 21st-century people like the real you, not the manipulative one. People love the company of those having a good sense of humor, natural, and who do not flatter to make their things done.

Conclusion

In my honest opinion, it is hard to apply all the advice of this book, as everyone is not the same. For example, if you are surrounded by self-centered people, you will end up becoming a doormat. Moreover, the book basically tells you to be agreeable to everything to everyone, also find something to like about and praise them on, and only talk about their interest, and if you blindly follow all these, you will end up becoming a people pleaser. Likewise, you will definitely lose your respect among your peers. Furthermore, people might just take advantage of you if you are too nice to everyone. Therefore, the best way is to figure out which principles work for you, and which don’t and act accordingly on it.

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