The short answer to that is yes. The thing is that you can be destructive or self-harming while accepting the request from someone you love. So can you reject someone’s request and refute them and say No?
You can if you have enough will to force that word out. That and enough guts to accept that some people are just douchebags who are just taking advantage of you. Along with this one more requirement for you to understand that it is okay to be selfish at times. Well, these are the basics but there are some tips on how you can say it well and start the change. Here are some tips on how to say “No!” to people.
Tip 1: Set your boundary
This is one of the bases of saying no and is the first step. First set a limit of what you are willing to do for any person. If someone asks you for something that is beyond the limit and you gain nothing out from it, you can say no. That being said, you do have to consider the dynamic of your relationship with that person as well. If you are the one who is always doing things, then even if it is a loved one, it is okay to set a large boundary for things that you will reject.
Tip 2: Be assertive but not rude
Yes, those two terms are similar but they are not the same. Assertive means being strong about your viewpoint but rude means just being a douchebag. If you don’t want to do something then you can say “no but thanks for asking” or something along those lines. Well you can also say “Nope because I don’t want to help you” but that will just create bad blood between you and that person. It’s better to have a dissatisfied friend/acquaintance rather than an enemy.
Tip 3: Just say it!
This is not a modified Nike slogan but a genuine tip. When someone asks you something, you just have to say No! If you don’t say it then the person who is asking you can make other ways to make you do things. Well if you can and want to do the request, you can do. The problem comes when you are the only one who has to do things. So if these things happen, all you have to do is say no. Because the longer you delay, the more pressure on you. If you want to, add a bit of a reason why you said no. Be sure to keep it short. If you give long reasons s/he can find holes and make you do it regardless.
Tip 4: Don’t explain or explain less
As mentioned above once you say No to a person, s/he will want to know why. You are under no obligation to explain why you rejected their request. and have your own reasons and one of them is they violated your boundary and asked for too much. You don’t have to explain any of your reasons behind rejecting their request. As mentioned the more you explain your reasons or excuses, the more loopholes they will find and if they want you to do their things, they will find some way to make you do things that they want as long as you give them reasons and context to exploit.
Tip 5: Offer alternatives
Well, this is to be done for the people you want to keep or see the benefit in. After you reject their request, you can either advise them on how to do it themselves. It is either that or you offering some alternative help. Or a combo of both will also suffice, that is you offering them alternate ways on how you can do things without going out of your comfort zone.
Since this post is about relationships, why don’t you check out “How to move on and get over your breakup fast” as well?